The first date: the most common mistakes and how to avoid them
The first date is exciting, nerve-wracking and often crucial. Those who make a poor first impression often don't get a second chance. But the good news: the most common mistakes are predictable and avoidable.
Mistake 1: Choosing the wrong place. Cinema, loud club, concert: all places where you don't talk. The first date isn't an event, it's a conversation. A quiet café, a walk or a relaxed restaurant are the right settings. You want to get to know your date, not share an experience in parallel.
Mistake 2: Talking too much about yourself. Nervousness often leads to filling conversation gaps with your own stories. The result: your date feels like an audience, not a conversation partner. Genuine interest in the other person (really listening, asking follow-up questions) is a better conversation starter than any story of your own.
Mistake 3: Phone on the table. Few things signal 'you're not important to me' as clearly as a smartphone you keep an eye on during conversation. Phone away, full attention on the person in front of you.
Mistake 4: Talking about exes. Yes, they exist. No, the first date isn't the right time. Whether positive ('my ex said the same thing') or negative ('my ex always...'), both signal that you're not quite in the here and now yet.
Mistake 5: No real conversation beforehand. An often underestimated problem: two people who only know each other superficially via text sit across from each other and try to create chemistry on the spot. A brief phone call before the date takes some of that off the table: you already have a sense of whether there's chemistry (or not). The date doesn't start from zero.
Key takeaways
- Choose a place to talk, not an event
- Listen more than you speak
- Put the phone away on the date
- Keep quiet about exes
- A phone call beforehand can take the edge off the first nerves